"You know what? The bastard blows me out of the water. This guy writes Maine like Ardai writes New York. If you're not reading him, you don't know what you're missing." --Chris F. Holm, author of "The Collector" series, The Killing Kind, and Red Right Hand.

"A refreshingly new voice in noir." --Ed Kurtz, author of Nothing You Can Do and The Rib From Which I Remake the World.

"A glorious boilermaker of noir and East Coast gothic. The action is taut as a sprung snare and Bagley tightens the screws with every page." -- Laird Barron, author of Swift to Chase and Blood Standard.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Having a good Father's Day so far. I got some books that I'd wanted. This afternoon, we're grilling brats and burgers to go with Tonia's kick-ass potato salad. The kids are happy and having fun, despite the dreary weather. So, yeah...it's shaping up to be a nice, peaceful day.

I need to get some work done. Been having anxiety attacks about what passes for my writing career. I'm talking about bouts of panic that keep you awake until 3 a.m. because your heart races every few minutes and your mind can't shut down. All you want to do is turn off those negative thoughts and get some sleep, but they won't leave you alone. It isn't just Bitter Water Blues and the WIP that wound me up; there are other, more mundane problems, too.

So I'm working today. Writing, even if it's only revision, makes me happy and takes my mind off everything else. It's what I need right now.

Song for the day: "It Ain't Easy" by Shooter Jennings


Chris said...

Stressed about writing/life/etc.? Not me. I'm solid as a rock. Or maybe that's the muscle tension. I picked a hell of a week to stop sniffing glue...

pattinase (abbott) said...

Please, get some help for this. I suffered with this sort of thing for 20 years before getting a mild anti-anxiety drug to help me sleep better. It only gets worse as you age so do it now.

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

I'm going to see a doctor as soon as possible, Patti. When it first happened to me a couple of weeks ago, I thought I was having a heart attack. This weekend's been terrible because I've only been able to come out of it for short periods. I did some revision this morning and it helped while I was doing it. I'm going to get back into it now and try to calm myself down. I'm not used to this, and I almost didn't blog about it.

Chris said...

Okay, now I feel like an ass for not realizing how serious it was. Full-on panic attacks are something I've never personally experienced, but Katrina's had them a time or two, and they're no laughing matter. I'm with Patti; treatment is vital. I'm glad to hear you're leaning that way. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Oh, and for the record, I'm glad you blogged about it. It may not be pretty, but it's a part of the process, and one damn few writers have the guts to open up about. Mostly, we just vent about it privately to one another. (Gee, does that sound like anyone you know?)

Kieran Shea said...

wow. i'm with patti, see the doc. good thoughts zooming north.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Yeah, panic attacks suck. Can't breathe, chest pains. And you feel stupid when somebody tells you you're not having a heart attack.

Fun for the whole family.

There are too many options these days not to do something about it. Keep us posted, man.

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

Chris, I wasn't offended, so don't feel like an ass. I don't usually post serious personal stuff here. And, hey, I like our little private venting circle (and I'm sure the others do, too).

Stephen & Kieran: I'll let you know what's happening. Thanks.

Greg said...

Take care of yourself, Patrick. ... I've had some serious insomnia myself this year, and I found some strict adherence to a nightly routine helped a little -- that, and turning off the TV much earlier. ... Glad you're also seeing a doc.